Ambien. No doubt about it.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
