Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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