in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
