Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
