just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
