can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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