i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
