Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
