he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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