if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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