I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
