As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
