Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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