I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
