Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think I am morally bankrupt
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
