Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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