I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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