Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
