instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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