I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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