Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
