I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
