I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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