Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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