does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
