Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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