rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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