Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
