piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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