im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
