you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
