Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
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Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize