ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
