apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
