i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
