his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
