How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
