I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
