K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
