can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
