I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
