i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
