Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
