My Higher Power is John Stamos
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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