I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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