I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
