it's not cheating when I paid for it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
