In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
