We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
