I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
