New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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