His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
