My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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