glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Me. At least after what I've been through.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
