Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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