my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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