What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
