Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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