I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Your face is a jimmy john
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
