Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
