If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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