Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
