i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
