Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
