All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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