that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
