dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
