yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
