He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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