I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
