forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
