no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
