when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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