ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize