You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
