I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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