just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
